Birthday and Good-Byes

I arrived home alive from my last long-distance taxi ride in South Africa at noon the day before my 58th birthday. I thought of my life as we sped along at the highest speed possible, 15 adults crammed into the koombie, stopping frequently to check that left front tire and falling back frequently from attempting to pass 18 wheelers weighted down with coal. To be fair, I haven’t felt any safer in most private vehicles careening down the roads of South Africa, but in them at least I might have a bit more influence on the driver and the vehicle is in better condition mechanically.

My friend Napoleon picked me up from the taxi rank, the days now are sunny and crispy cold, and we went to his house where we had tea with his wife, Rosemary and the third of my Zimbabwean friends, Lillian (who I visited in Zimbabwe last Christmas)…..they and their children are my first friends, taking me under-their-wings when I arrived in Bethal September 2006. We made plans for my birthday the next day. I arrived home to an empty, quiet house. I have it to myself this week as Elize, Louis and Roelf (the young man living with us who’s Mom is opening a health clinic in Malawi) conclude a two week missionary trip to Mozambique. It is refreshing to have the house to myself as I have lived within family homes for the past two years, limiting my privacy. Yet, even though most Peace Corps volunteers have more privacy than just a bedroom, I prefer living with a family. Elize and Louis opened their hearts and home to me last September when I had grown out of the living arrangement with my co-worker and needed to make a change. I was welcomed into their lives as a family member and included in all family activities. This meant a whole lot to me since I have felt isolated and lonely frequently being away from the U.S. I have rounded out my cultural home stays, first at a Zulu home during pre-service training, then an Indian home with my co-worker for one year and lastly with an Afrikaans family now.

I woke up on my birthday happy, a beautiful day, ripe for the laundry I washed by hand to dry. My family’s full-time maid will return when they do. Wages, skills and education are so low for the mass of Black South Africans and unemployment so high that most middle-class families can afford to hire a maid and gardener (garden “boys”). I went for a jog, a two or three times weekly effort to get into better shape before I return home. It always puts me in the spotlight for anyone who crosses my path.….women, older women, older white women, older white women alone without a dog, older white women alone without a dog and dressed in inappropriate jogging togs don’t’ jog. After two years here, I still can’t stand being stared at, especially that look that says, “did she just land here from the planet Mars?”

I spent a lovely evening with my Zim friends. I brought chili, left-over from the meal I cooked for the missionaries the night before they left for Mozambique, and they supplied the wieners (viennas we call them here) and buns, etc. for a chili dog extravaganza. I’ve always had a lot of fun sharing my love for Mexican food with my South African family and friends. In 50 years time, I will still be remembered for introducing guacamole to half of the population of Bethal. And they all love it.

Next week, Saturday, is the special farewell party planned for me by the drop-in centre Executive Committee, where everyone who has been a part of my life in a meaningful way these past two years in Bethal will be present. The event is a highly guarded secret from me and I only know where and when it will be. Thinking of it brings sadness to my heart as I continue to say goodbye over these brief weeks to wonderful people that have given me so much love. They have shared their lives with me and taught me so much about what is important in life…...relationships…… “ubuntu,” that I do not exist, succeed, heal, love, etc. in isolation but in a relationship with other people. I tell them that I will come back for a visit to see them and how the drop-in centre has fared. In reality, South Africa is nearly half-way around the earth. I suppose it lessens my sense of loss to believe that we will continue our friendships. Nonetheless, the party will be a time of joy for me as well, a time to express to them the appreciation I feel so deeply and to enjoy their company one more time.