People here ask me all the time if I’m lonely and how do I manage being away from friends and family….and now my baby granddaughter? I do have days when I feel lonely or homesick. I have days when I have felt slighted or misunderstood. And I just have regular tough days like anyone else.
I was attending a “braai” last night in the home of new Afrikaans friends. A “braai” is essentially a social occasion centered around a bar-be-que meal. South Africa is a meat-eating country and they really do it up well. The fine art of putting on a braai is something all South Africans aspire to. They bar-be-que beef, mutton chops and sausage, lamb, boerworst (a special Afrikaans sausage), pork, etc. What was interesting about last night’s braai was that the bar-be-que grill was located as a permanent fixture (kind of like a fireplace) in the lounge area inside the family home…no smoke or smell and in the winter time, the fire and charcoals keep the home warm. Anyway, one of my new friends asked me the inevitable question, “aren’t you lonely here?” As I had been recently thinking about what makes this Peace Corps experience difficult for me, I answered her with the thoughts I had been distilling for some time….”being different,” I said.. The most difficult aspect of my experience here so far is always being different…..the center of attention…being stared at….ogled at for the way I dress, the way I talk, my American accent, that I walk around outside, that I use public transportation, that I have different ideas, the way I put an English sentence together, my attempts at speaking a foreign language, my humor/their humor, jogging and the countless other ways that I stand out. I don’t blend into the crowd here. Growing up in Orange County, California, it was natural to develop attitudes and ways of behaving that didn’t attract a lot of attention. I fit in. Here, it is very tiring to constantly deal with the puzzled looks, the frowns and the STARING.
I really have learned through this realization to have much more compassion for those who are different…whether it is a newcomer, whether it is someone who stands out because of a disability or different lifestyle or background….whether it is someone who has a different skin color. The tendency for me sometimes is to consider changing myself to fit in to others expectations a bit more, just so that it will be more comfortable for me. But, there’s the rub. What do you give up of yourself to make it a little easier on yourself and others?
(By the way, I have the same email address I had in California, in case any of you would like to contact me…)
